hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
