I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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