I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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