I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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