She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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