we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
