Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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