I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
