then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
