best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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