I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
