There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Randomize
