If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
