Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
