The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
