I showed him my bush... on skype.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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