Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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