i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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