The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
