dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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