i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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