She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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