Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
