I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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