Need sex. Gaining weight.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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