Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
