mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
