his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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