My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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