so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
