he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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