am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
time to smoke my breakfast
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
