If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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