He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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