What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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