I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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