I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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