He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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