Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
