how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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