You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
