Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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