If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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