ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
