I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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