loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
