fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
