she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
