sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
