I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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