some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
