At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
