So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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