If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
