You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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