when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
