Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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